LIBIDO

Libido refers to a person's sex drive or desire for sexual activity. The desire for sex is an aspect of a person's sexuality, but varies enormously from one person to another, and it also varies depending on circumstances at a particular time. Sex drive has usually biological, psychological, and social components. Biologically, levels of hormones such as testosterone are believed to affect sex drive; social factors, such as work and family, also have an impact; as do internal psychological factors, like personality and stress. Sex drive may be affected by medical conditions, medications, lifestyle and relationship issues. A person who has extremely frequent or a suddenly increased sex drive may be experiencing hypersexuality, but there is no measure of what is a healthy level for sex.

A person may have a desire for sex but not have the opportunity to act on that desire, or may on personal, moral or religious reasons refrain from acting on the urge. Psychologically, a person's urge can be repressed or sublimated. On the other hand, a person can engage in sexual activity without an actual desire for it. Males reach the peak of their sex drive in their teens, while women reach it in their thirties.

HISTORY OF THE CONCEPT
Sigmund Freud popularized the term and defined libido as the instinct energy or force, contained in what Freud called the id, the largely unconscious structure of the psyche. Building on the work of Karl Abraham, Freud developed the idea of a series of developmental phases in which the libido fixates on different erogenous zones—first in the oral stage (exemplified by an infant's pleasure in nursing), then in the anal stage (exemplified by a toddler's pleasure in controlling his or her bowels), then in the phallic stage, through a latency stage in which the libido is dormant, to its reemergence at puberty in the genital stage.[citation needed] Freud pointed out that these libidinal drives can conflict with the conventions of civilized behavior, represented in the psyche by the superego. It is this need to conform to society and control the libido that leads to tension and disturbance in the individual, prompting the use of ego defenses to dissipate the psychic energy of these unmet and mostly unconscious needs into other forms. Excessive use of ego defenses results in neurosis. A primary goal of psychoanalysis is to bring the drives of the id into consciousness, allowing them to be met directly and thus reducing the patient's reliance on ego defenses.

 Freud viewed libido as passing through a series of developmental stages within the individual. Failure to adequately adapt to the demands of these different stages could result in libidinal energy becoming 'dammed up' or fixated in these stages, producing certain pathological character traits in adulthood. Thus the psychopathologized individual for Freud was an immature individual, and the goal of psychoanalysis was to bring these fixations to conscious awareness so that the libido energy would be freed up and available for conscious use in some sort of constructive sublimation.

According to Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung, the libido is identified as psychic energy. Duality (opposition) that creates the energy (or libido) of the psyche, which Jung asserts expresses itself only through symbols: "It is the energy that manifests itself in the life process and is perceived subjectively as striving and desire." (Ellenberger, 697)

Defined more narrowly, libido also refers to an individual's urge to engage in sexual activity. In this sense, the antonym of libido is destrudo.

More recently, philosopher and psychologist James Giles has argued that human sexual desire is neither a biological instinct nor something learned or constructed by culture. According to Giles' theory of sexual desire it is an existential need based on the awareness of having a gender. Having a gender creates a sense of incompleteness. We then seek to fill this incompleteness through the baring and caressing of the desired gender.

Relational Issues
The desire for sex is an important motivator for the formation and maintenance of intimate relationships in both men and women, and a lack or loss of sexual desire can have an adverse impact on a relationship. Unresolved relationship problems, such as a lack or loss of sexual desire for the partner, may cause a decrease in sexual desire, which may itself cause problems in the relationship. Infidelity may be an indication of a general desire for sex, though not with the primary partner. Problems can arise from the loss of sexual desire in general or for the partner or a lack of connection with the partner, or poor communication of sexual needs and preferences.

Psychological Factors
Psychological factors can reduce the desire for sex. These factors can include lack of privacy and/or intimacy, stress or fatigue, distraction or depression. Environmental stress, such as prolonged exposure to elevated sound levels or bright light, can also affect libido. Other causes include experience of sexual abuse, assault, trauma, or neglect, body image issues and sexual performance anxiety.

Some people have suggested that contraception may influence the desire for sex by women, by decreasing the anxiety level from an unexpected pregnancy.

Latent homosexuality may also be a cause for lack of libido in men.


Physical Factors
Physical factors that can affect libido include: endocrine issues such as hypothyroidism, levels of available testosterone in the bloodstream of both women and men, the effect of certain prescription medications (for example flutamide), various lifestyle factors and the attractiveness and biological fitness of one's partner.  Inborn lack of sexual desire, often observed in asexual people, can also be considered a physical factor.


Lifestyle
Being very underweight or malnourished can cause a low libido due to disruptions in normal hormonal levels. There is also evidence to support that specific foods have an effect on libido.

Anemia is particularly a cause of lack of libido in women due to the loss of iron during the period.

Smoking, alcohol abuse and drug abuse may also cause disruptions in the hormonal balances and therefore leads to a decreased libido. However, specialists suggest that several lifestyle changes such as drinking milk, exercising, quitting smoking, lower consumption of alcohol or using prescription drugs may help increase one's sexual desire. Moreover, learning stress management techniques can be helpful for individuals who experience libido impairment due to a stressful life.

Aphrodisiacs are known to increase individuals' libido due to either their chemical composition or their consistency.


Medications
Reduced libido is also often iatrogenic and can be caused by many medications, such as hormonal contraception, SSRIs and other antidepressants, antipsychotics, opioids and beta blockers. In some cases iatrogenic impotence or other sexual dysfunction can be permanent, as in post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD).

Testosterone is one of the hormones controlling libido in human beings. Emerging research is showing that hormonal contraception methods like "the pill" (which rely on estrogen and progesterone together) are causing low libido in females by elevating levels of sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG). SHBG binds to sex hormones, including testosterone, rendering them unavailable. Research is showing that even after ending a hormonal contraceptive method, SHBG levels remain elevated and no reliable data exists to predict when this phenomenon will diminish.


Testosterone and Menstrual Cycle
A woman's desire for sex is correlated to her menstrual cycle, with many women experiencing a heightened sexual desire in the several days immediately before ovulation.

This cycle has been associated with changes in a woman's testosterone levels during the menstrual cycle. According to Gabrielle Lichterman, testosterone levels have a direct impact on a woman's interest in sex. According to her, testosterone levels rise gradually from about the 24th day of a woman's menstrual cycle until ovulation on about the 14th day of the next cycle, and during this period the woman's desire for sex increase consistently. The 13th day is generally the day with the highest testosterone levels. In the week following ovulation, the testosterone level is the lowest and as a result women will experience less interest in sex.

Also, during the week following ovulation, progesterone levels increase, resulting in a woman experiencing difficulty achieving orgasm. Although the last days of the menstrual cycle are marked by a constant testosterone level, women's libido may boost as a result of the thickening of the uterine lining which stimulates nerve endings and makes a woman feel aroused. Also, during these days, estrogen levels also decline, resulting in a decrease of natural lubrication.

Although some specialists disagree with this theory, menopause is still considered by the majority a factor that can cause decreased sex desire in women. The levels of estrogen decrease at menopause and this usually causes a lower interest in sex and vaginal dryness which makes intercourse painful. Also, the levels of testosterone increase at menopause and this is why some women may experience a contrary effect, of an increased libido.


Sexual Desire Disorders
There is no measure of what is a healthy level for sex desire. Some people want to have sex every day, or more than once a day; others once a year or not at all. However, a person who lacks a desire for sexual activity for some period of time may be experiencing a hypoactive sexual desire disorder or may be asexual. A sexual desire disorder is more common in women, but rare in men. A survey conducted in 2011 found that 81.7% of married men are frustrated, dissatisfied, and want to improve their sex life. Erectile dysfunction is more common in men and may be a cause for the lack of sexual desire, but with which it should not be confused. Moreover, specialists have brought to attention that libido impairment may not even occur in cases of men with erectile dysfunction.[citation needed] However, men can also experience a decrease in their libido as they age.

The American Medical Association has estimated that several million US women suffer from a female sexual arousal disorder, though arousal is not at all synonymous with desire, so this finding is of limited relevance to the discussion of libido. Some specialists claim that women may experience low libido due to some hormonal abnormalities such as lack of luteinising hormone or androgenic hormones, although these theories are still controversial. Also, women commonly lack sexual desire in the period immediately after giving birth. Moreover, any condition affecting the genital area can make women reject the idea of having intercourse. It has been estimated that half of women experience different health problems in the area of the vagina and vulva, such as thinning, tightening, dryness or atrophy. Frustration may appear as a result of these issues and because many of them lead to painful sexual intercourse, many women prefer not having sex at all. Surgery or major health conditions such as arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease or infertility may have the same effect in women. Common surgeries that affect the hormonal levels in women include hysterectomies.



Medical Journal Link:
http://psychology.concordia.ca/fac/pfaus/Pfaus-Scepkowski-%282005%29-Curr-Sex-Health-Rep.pdf

Source:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libido

CYBERSEX: State of “Affairs” in Sexual Cyber Space

It is well-known that while such technologies of freedom were first promoted by the state for politico-economic or military purposes, the widespread usage of the French MINITEL and the American ARPANET, both credited as forerunners of the Internet, was to a great extent facilitated by none other than their appropriation for purposes of erotic self-expression and interpersonal sexual contact by the population (Castells 343-345). It has been estimated that already more than 250 million people have joined the e-population which, growing by more than 10 million every month, is expected to multiply to one billion by the year 2005. The significant fact here is that as fast as this demography expands, a new sexual revolution  is also raging on the virtual frontier of the internet, where personal anonymity and global access provide seemingly unlimited opportunities for sexual exploration. Erotic uses of the email, on-line chat rooms, interactive webcams, or the newest haptic (sense of touch) technologies have created a kaleidoscope of  choices and channels through which our deepest wishes, our darkest desires, and our universal need to connect with others are constantly negotiated and played out in this virtual space, transcending boundaries  of gender, age, nation, physical form, etc. Youths in particular are seeking whatever sexual knowledge or experiences that have long been denied them in the “real” world, and the internet proves to be a powerful tool for them to experiment with their dreams and desires.

Many have defined “cyber sex” as a combination of communication and masturbation, as one net citizen puts it, “nothing more than phone sex typed out on the internet,” nothing more than a selfish act of egoistic gratification. Yet cyber sex has never been limited to such rudimentary acts that quench simple biological urges. Sex in cyber space has always included various forms of flirtation, role-playing, fantasy enactment, etc., which may or may not culminate in heterosexual cyber sex but definitely calls for intense interaction among the parties involved. And while the combination of the internet with the cell phone has made it all the more convenient for the individual to establish as well as manage multiple relationships, webcams and broadband services have helped make cyber sex an increasingly stimulating activity that increasingly approximates real-life relationships. Yet, sex in cyber space is not necessarily a paired activity, as evidenced by erotic activities in the multi-user dungeons/domains (better known as MUDs). Nor is it a simple imagined experience. Recent cyber sex toys promise to enrich cyber sexual experience by letting the person on the other end stimulate some of their net-mate's body parts. Special cyber-sex commodities—including the “virtual sex machine” that allows a remote party to manipulate sex toys attached to the home party, or the “all body cyber sex suit” with multiple sensation sensors, or the computer controlled life-like sex dolls with special motor-driven organs—are all creating new dimensions for cyber sex that may transform our commonsensical understanding of the erotic act. The sensorial channel can feel surfaces, edges, and even temperatures; and promises to compliment the sound and feedback modalities already widely used in current virtual simulations. Even though these devices may not have been created particularly with cyber sex in mind, most likely they will be adapted for erotic purposes as soon as they become available.

One important force that has made cyber sex all the more palatable to the young net citizens is the fast changing sexual attitudes of today’s youths. A survey done in 2000 reveals that 60% of Taiwanese college co-eds get on the internet mainly because they want to make friends, in particular, to develop net romances. About 40% of them actively pursue one-night stands on the net—among them, women number just as many as if not more than men. About 24% express interest in conducting or having already conducted the increasingly popular form of compensated companionships (or what is better known in Japan as enjo-kosai). In 2001, the same trend still holds, with women’s interest in net romance rising steadily. A 2002 survey reveals that almost 30% net users have had “real-life” sex with their internet acquaintances. Those who approve one-night stands have also risen to 46%. In the meantime, new forms of intimate relationships, such as net marriages, are also developing. It is estimated that in Taiwan alone,  50,000 net citizens have established some sort of net marriages, helped especially by role-playing internet games that provide the marriage function. Mainland China is reported to have more than 100,000 net couples who have registered their net marriages with various websites (source: China Times  2002-10-14). As internet liaisons are increasingly used to compensate for the restrictions and repressions of erotic life in the real world, a new sex revolution is obviously in the air.

Source:

Cyber Sex: Sexuality, Youth, and Cyber Space
Josephine Ho
Center for the Study of Sexualities
National Central University
Chungli, Taiwan 320
sex@ncu.edu.tw
http://sex.ncu.edu.tw

SHAFT SLEEVES (THE RIGATONIS)

Rigatoni

Probably one of the most versatile and useful toys you can have in your toy chest is the rigatoni. This is a long, 11/2 inch tubular sleeve made of a transparent silicone light rubber, with tiny, soft nubbles on the surface. It is available in boxed sets of two or six, all of which have a different texture on the surface. Most men and women are surprised that a shaft sleeve feels so soft.

It's also easy to carry in a cosmetic case or shaving kit. With a judicious, not-too-much, not-too-little amount of water based lubricant (oil will start to break the product down) they can be used by the:

1. Woman on her partner. Slip one like a finger sleeve over one or two fingers. Some people report using two sleeves, covering different fingers. Apply a light amount of lubricant and use your imagination with any of your favorite hand techniques.

2. Man on his partner, either manually or during intercourse.

• Manually: A boon to men. Instead of relying solely on their fingertips to stimulate their partner's clitoral area, men have help in the form of these soft, textured sleeves. Just try one on the palm of your hand. Be sure to put the lubricant on or you won't get the real sensation. Men have reported using two at a time so they can caress and pleasure both sides of the inner labia and clitoral ridge.

• Intercourse: Worn at the base of the penis during deep, slow, penetrative sex. The soft ripples and ridges are able to stimulate the lady. This works for both female-superior and male-superior positions.

3. Solo. Perhaps trying sleeves out during masturbation is the best way to discover the sensations possible with the different textures.

4. On a vibrator. Slipped on a wand vibrator to give a different texture. Care instructions: a little soap and water and they are ready for the next time.

HIS PEARL NECKLACE (THE ACCESSORIZED "LA COIFFEUSE")

The beauty of giving your lover a pearl necklace is the element of surprise.

I recommend a 30"-36" strand of 8-10 mm round pearls. It's best to avoid baroque and freshwater bead styles as the irregular shapes aren't conducive to smooth movement, and they could scratch.

Your pearls need to be of good quality, whether or not they are real or imitation. The better the pearls, the better the sensation. Lesser quality pearls won't have a solid enough bead under the pearlizing to adequately pick up your body heat. In this case, heat is a good thing.

Know that you will be using lubricant with the pearls so if your choice is the family heirloom strand make sure you ensure their longevity by having them restrung on nylon versus sill., which is probably what they are strung on now. Silk is hydrophilic and absorbs moisture, which can rot the natural pearl from the inside out not the kind of thing to explain to future generations. Nylon is a synthetic fiber that doesn't absorb water.

How does one explain the need for restringing? Simple: they are old and need it, or you are a very active woman and you wear your pearls almost constantly, including working out and you've heard that nylon is more durable.

Imagine this scenario: dress very slowly for an evening out. Accessorize with a strand of pearls. During dinner, lightly finger or play with your pearls. When you return home, disrobe, and remove all but your pearls.

Step 1. Begin however you like, perhaps with kissing. When you feel ready, undo your pearls and drag them across your lover's body.

Step 2. Lightly lubricate his penis, then slowly adorn him with your pearls, wrapping the strand around his shaft. Be sure to hold the necklace clasp with one finger as you don't want it to scratch and distract him. Because you've worn them out for dinner the pearls will be softly warm.

Step 3. When his penis looks like it is wearing a Princess Diana choker, start slowly stroking him with a Basket Weaving stroke up and down with a twist. 

Step 4. Then unwrap his penis and, as if you are flossing under his testicles, slowly pull the pearls from one side to the other, slightly lifting his testicles.

Step 5. When you are done, "coil the poiles" at the base of his shaft and settle yourself on top of him. No doubt pearls will start to have a new place in your heart.

Source:

ORAL SEX TECHNIQUES - Lover's Guide - Lou Paget, How To Be A Great Lover

DILDO OR VIBRATOR - Treasures for the Adult Toy Chest

These very versatile toys have been around for ages. Technically k there is a difference between the two. According to Good Vibrations, dildos are "nonvibrating toys used for insertion the% fill the vagina or rectum, creating a sensation of fullness and pressure that many find highly pleasurable." A vibrator also resembles a penis in shape, but is usually made of a hard plastic material and is battery run. A vibrator's main purpose is to produce vibration wherever the operator wishes it. With the current off, a vibrator can act like a dildo, depending on its shape.

For those who are worried that a vibrator will make you unresponsive to your male partner, do not worry If you are able to orgasm other ways, manually, orally or with water, know that this is just another way—often a faster and more intense way It won't replace your man. Nothing will ever replace men.

Ladies, we know how men have a thing for remote controls, right? Well, there are now vibrators that will allow
him to be in the driver's seat, so to speak, when he operates your vibrator—and obviously, only if you want him to. Men have said these vibrators make them feel more a part of her orgasm, as if he was in charge. After all, isn't everything a matter of perception?

For hygienic reasons, before insertion, both dildos and
vibrators should be dressed with a condom. It also makes
cleanup easier.

Ladies, these things are ancient! The presence of dildos is recorded in ancient Greek, Roman, and Egyptian art; there are also records of French troops giving their wives dildos as masturbatory aids before they marched off to war. In terms of vibrators, according to historian Rachel Maines, these toys were used as early as the 1880s as a medical appliance, "designed to improve the efficiency of medical massage, a task performed since ancient times by physicians, midwives, and their assistants from the time of Hippocrates to that of Freud." Medical and midwifery texts of the 1600s explained that this type of "treatment generally consisted of the insertion of one or more fingers into the vagina and the application of friction to the external genitalia with the other. . . . The objective was to induce hysterical paroxysm, manifested by rapid respiration and pulse, reddening of the skin, vaginal lubrication, and abdominal contractions."

By 1900, "a wide range of vibratory apparatus was available to physicians. Articles and textbooks on vibratory massage technique at the turn of the century praised the machines' versatility for the treatment of nearly all diseases in both sexes, and its [sic] efficiency of time and labor, especially in gynecological massage." Until the late 1920s, vibrators were advertised in women's magazines as home appliances, primarily as an aid to good health and relaxation but with ambiguous overtones, as one advertisement promised, "All the pleasures of youth will throb within you." Maines believes that vibrators fell into disrepute when they started being used for psychotherapeutic treatments and/or when they began appearing in the stag films of the 1920s where their obvious sexual use could not be overlooked. So there is a possibility your grandmama may have been more progressive sexually than you first thought.

Choosing a Dildo That's Right for You
As we head into the twenty-first century there is a style and type of dildo and vibrator to suit every person. Some are completely lifelike, having been molded from real people, often porn stars. Others are disguised creatively. The reason? In Texas, dildos are considered an obscene device, which is defined in their penal code as "any object designed and marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." So sex shops sell them as "condompracticing devices." According to one manufacturer of unique shapes, "Most of the unusual dildos sell okay in the Bible belt, because regular dildos aren't legal there, but the people want something they can use, and they like my cacti especially" Who knew? Most importantly, choose a style that suits you. You have your choice of:

Size:

• Sizes range from very small to full arm size. The larger are admittedly for a specialized "niche" market.

Material:
• Plastic, silicone, metal, rubber, vinyl, Jelee (trade name for a soft, clear, often colored plastic)

 Shape:

• Straight, curved, lifelike, ridged, smooth, egg, telescoping, and a special design suitable for Gspot/prostate stimulation

• With or without "balls" • Double dildos for simultaneous penetration for the two partners

Vibrating Features:

• With vibrating dildos, typically the vibrating part will be aligned to stimulate the clitoris while the shaft portion is inserted vaginally. Meanwhile, the shaft portion can be doing something nifty, such as rotating, twisting at the head, or pulsing in and out at the same time the clitoris is being stimulated.

• Power source from battery or electricity.

 

Color:
• Any color you like: black, brown, pink, flesh, clear, purple, white, solids, stripes, sparkles--the list is quite
endless

Harnesses:
• Dildos can be used "freestyle" in your hand, or attached to a harness, which is made of leather or fabric and worn around your hips.

• Thigh harnesses can be used by either sex when you want full body contact. One seminar attendee told of how her husband, who is paraplegic, fulfilled her beyond her wildest dreams. "He was finally able to penetrate me--I didn't think it was possible." You never know when these toys will work their magic. 

How to Use Them:
• Breathe. In any sexual act, breathing is your friend and deep breathing will heighten the sensations. Apply  to clitoris. Using a vibrator, have your partner stimulate your clitoris—this will add a significant buzz to partner sex. You can cushion the vibration through a garment or the fleshy outer labia. Often women find direct clitoral stimulation too intense until they are more excited. Use a range of stroking motions up and down the clitoral ridge.

• Insert vaginally. Insert either a dildo or vibrator in the vagina; the first 11/2 inches are the most sensitive.

• Anally. For those ladies and their men who enjoy anal play, a small butt plug dildo or a vibrating dildo will send you heavenward. Men who enjoy this typically choose a slim little wand style that can be inserted while he's masturbating or while you are manually stimulating him.

• In combination. Use a dildo on yourself or with a partner. This can be accomplished by wearing a harnessed dildo. Depending on design a female wearer may have a vaginal plug dildo in the harness for herself while the "front loaded" dildo is available to penetrate their partner. This way everyone can have the
feeling of fullness.

  

Pearls and Other Passionate Playthings --- DISCOVER THE PLEASURE OF TOYS

 "Why did I never know about these things? They've added a whole
new dimension to our lovemaking. It's not that we can't
have sex without them. But why should we?"
FEMALE SEMINAR ATTENDEE,
ATTORNEY, AGE 47

What Are Toys?

Typically portable, great as gifts, sexual toys are the items that add the sauce to the entree of sex. One married banker who gave herself a private sexuality seminar for her thirtieth birthday described the information about playthings she got: "I feel like I've opened Pandora's Box and wow, I just don't know where to begin."

We will cover where toys come from, who uses them, how to use them, and the seminar favorites for an Adult Play Chest. Every industry has its trade shows and the adult novelty industry is no different. I attend the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo semiannually to ensure I have the latest and newest products available. Even if you are shy or have never used toys before, there may be a toy here that will increase your pleasure and add some spark to your sex life.

All of the following items and products have been tested by the elite corps of "The Sexuality Seminar Field Researchers," who are women just like you! These field researchers are from every demographic group imaginable: female, male, celebrities, non-celebs, executives, nonexecutives, married, single, straight, gay, bi, golfers, nongolfers, and ranging in age from eighteen to sixty-six. And because they knew their responses would be used by people looking for accurate guidance, they were completely candid about what did and did not work.

Know that for a number of people everything about sex toys can be daunting and nerve wracking. Remember, the job of a toy is to enhance, not to take over. There are those who may feel that using toys is entirely too risky—they have visions of horrified relatives finding things in a closet upon one's untimely demise. Whatever your choice, you have to be comfortable with it. For our purposes the discussion will focus on toys and products, not videos, books, or aphrodisiacs, although there will he recommendations and sources at the end of this chapter.

WHO COMES UP WITH THESE IDEAS?
The use of sex-enhancing tools has occurred throughout history. The Kama Sutra discusses sexual aids; the Japanese came up with "happy" boxes that contained dildo-like items of varying size and shape. East Indian paintings from the 1700s show lovers using sexual accoutrements, and dildos are further immortalized on Greek pottery and in Egyptian frescos.

The source of ideas for sex toys is threefold. A manufacturer who requested anonymity laughingly told me the number one source of design ideas are the egos of the managers and manufacturing owners. There is a constant need to introduce some thing "new" via a change in color, shape, or new material. Often, as in the fashion industry, they are knockoffs of another manufacturer's design.

Source number two is ancillary marketing by the porn industry. Product manufacturers bring in the porn stars, typically women, and capitalize on their fame by licensing their names for use on a product the manufacturer then produces, such as the Rayvaness Butt Plug. Fortunately or unfortunately, it's been up to porn actors and the manufacturers themselves to test most of these products. This is where there seems to be a huge gap between the audience they are supposedly manufacturing for and how comfortable that consuming audience is with the products. Porn stars are used to having intimate body parts probed. poked, watched, and vibrated. But most of us know next to nothing about preference, style, size. How do we know how to buy or what to choose? That's where my field researchers came in.

The third source are customers who request that something be created for them. 

WHAT QUALIFIES AS A "TOY"?
Just about anything can assume toy status. What we will be discussing are those things used within the "vanilla" mainstream. There are other products for more specialized pursuits and categories such as S&M, bondage, or fetishism. FYI: You do not have a true fetish just because an object, such as leather of spiked heels, turns you on or you really enjoy using them. Thu definition of a fetish is that you cannot get turned on without that object; it is the object, not the person, that arouses you.

But toys can include a range of everyday items: for some it is a scarf, a belt, a pillow. Should you choose to use things at home all you need is a teensy bit of imagination. Idea: if you really are buying cucumbers for salads choose an extra organically grown (no pesticides), one that tickles your fancy. Be sure it is well cleaned, at room temperature, and chances are your salad making will never be the same again.

We know fabric combinations as great fashion statements—leather with a silk skirt, velvet with chiffon but they can also be dynamite sensual combinations. Because our skin is our largest sexual organ, any change of texture can be very erotic. Imagine your bare skin feeling soft fleece then cool leather. A velvet or silk scarf can be run down his front and then used on his soon-to-be erect penis. Cushion his testicles with your scarf. Just be careful not to tie your silk scarves too tightly I would hate to see you take the shears to your Hermes.

HOW DO WE REALLY USE THESE?
Ask. If you are on the phone and ordering from a reputable place (see the list of seminar-preferred establishments in the Sources section at the back of this book), they should walk you through the options before you purchase. Good Vibrations out of San Francisco provides the benchmark for this type of customer service. An editor at Glamour who was doing a story on vibrators said, "I've told my friends that buying a dildo from GV is like buying a sweater from J. Crew. Simple, straightforward, and excellent product knowledge by the phone sale staff."

And what if you're in an adult store? It can feel intimidating. Often, people won't establish eye contact and tend to move furtively from area to area. Needless to say, this behavior can make you feel uncomfortable asking about the various toys on display or how to use them. Remember, these stores sell products they are very comfortable with; try to ignore the nervous onlookers and approach a sales clerk directly. Most will be courteous and helpful.

Keep in mind that some toys are not intended for use, but are rather purchased as novelties, to be used maybe once or given as gifts. And as my anonymous manufacturing source said, "Honestly, I don't know one manufacturer that uses these thing, themselves—including me." He further commented that the majority of manufacturers spend their money on the packaging and advertising, not on the research and development of the actual product.

"Over twenty years ago, in Redbook's sex survey of
100,000 women, one out of five said they used some
"device" during their lovemaking and for more than half
of those women that device was a vibrator."

Source:

ORAL SEX TECHNIQUES - Lover's Guide - Lou Paget, How To Be A Great Lover